Loving those handles?

Probably as much as you love the idea of toning up with some one-show-wonder TV star on an overpriced video.

There is an alternative way to get fit. British Military Fitness training sessions now take place in parks all over London (Battersea, Clapham, Finsbury, Wimbledon, Bushey, Greenwich, Hampstead, Hyde Park and Wandsworth).

Simply book in, turn up and prepare for a gruelling hour of hardcore exercise directed by a genuine member of the British Army. Before joining, you get a free taster session and must complete a thorough health questionnaire to assess capability.

And if you’re looking for love with your weight loss, consider this a great pick-up zone: there have already been five marriages from romances that began at the boot camp. Clearly more exciting than writhing around on the carpet with Jade Goody — and far more challenging.

Can you handle it?

British Military Fitness (020 7751 9742 or britmilfit.com).