Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
But they’re deeply unoriginal
And costly, too.
You don’t have to be rich to be thoughtful on Valentine’s Day. The hard-up or stingy could send a free IOU — I owe you a kiss/one night’s babysitting/a lifetime of happiness — sealed with an Honesty Stamp.
Romantics will desire an illustrated book of Shakespeare’s sonnets or a sexy print by Natasha Law; they’ll last long after flowers have died.
When it comes to sheer (legal) ecstasy, an eight-hand Ashtaang massage for one or two people is pretty unbeatable (Spa at Chancery Court, 252 High Holborn, WC1; 020 7829 7058). And you can’t go wrong with decent underwear for the ladies; the most exclusive comes from Pussy Glamore or Kalita.
Give a heartfelt meal. Decent home-cooked food can be delivered from Cook or even from the supermarket: two current foolproof winners on the shelves are Bigham’s and Gü, whose chocolate soufflés guarantee speedy entry to someone’s heart (and/or pants) every time.
Those who don’t get lucky may need Wake Me Up At stickers for the tube journey home. Or Klong, a toy which offers unconditional companionship minus the annoying habits. And which, after its initial purchase fee, does not require a single penny to be spent on it whatsoever.
How original.