Online - October 31, 2006

Hit Me with Your Best Schott

“Schott’s Almanac 2007,” by Ben Schott

Schott’s Al•man•ac [shotz-ALL-man-ack]
A meticulously researched and rather addictive annual compendium of facts and figures by Ben Schott, clever creator of the best-selling Schott’s Original Miscellany.

Schott’s Syn•drome [shotz-SIN-drohm]
A medical condition associated with the acquisition of a Schott’s Almanac characterized by an inability to focus on tasks other than reading said material; bursts of laughter; gasps of awe; and alternating delight and horror about the state of global affairs.

Schott•i•tis [shot-AHY-tis]
A psychological disturbance marked by the uncontrollable urge to quote selections from Schott’s Almanac to co-workers, friends, family, and anyone within earshot: “Georgia’s Schottitis got so bad she called me at four in the morning to tell me it’s the 100th anniversary of the perm.”

Schott•i•zen [SHOT-i-zen]
Anyone, esp. the owner of a Schott’s Almanac, who is strangely well informed about an astonishing array of subjects: “He told me all about the winner of the Most Beautiful Bulldog contest, the president of Turkmenistan, Japan’s official Soot Sweeping Day, and the Grammy winner for best polka album — all before the appetizers arrived! What a Schottizen.”

Schott•en•freude [shot-en-FROY-duh]
The warm feelings of superiority that arise from knowing you’re a Schottizen.

Available online at amazon.com.