You’ve always wanted an assistant. A pool boy would do, and you wouldn’t say no to a butler.

But what the chic people have these days is a running footman.

This demand is easily met by The Only Running Footman, a pub-restaurant off Berkeley Square that has just awoken from a major facelift (yes: the current trend is to order one’s staff to look as good as you do, with the help of some minor surgery).

The Mayfair spot hosts a casual bar for farmhouse breakfast and light lunch, while upstairs you can dine on roast chicken, mixed grills and Bakewell tart. There’s also a take-away menu for those who want to do a runner. Should you deign to lift a finger, you might want to visit the cooking school on the third floor (opening in January), which will hold a plethora of classes for wannabe chefs at all levels.

See? It wasn’t so unrealistic to expect someone to wait on you.

Even if it’s hand and, well, foot.

The Only Running Footman, 5 Charles Street, W1J 5DF (020 7499 2988 or therunningfootman.biz).