Location: the Atlantic seabed. Three fish convene under a rock.

Monkfish: Brethren, I’m old; I cannot evade those nets anymore. It’s time to retire and offer myself up to the human platter.

Prawn: Oh, I’m the king of the platter.

Squid: Back off, bottom-dweller. Where will you go, Monkfish?

Monkfish: Why, to fish heaven, of course.

Prawn: You mean Tom’s Place?

Monkfish: Yes, if the great chef Aikens wishes. Opening today for eat-in or takeaway, it’s set to be London’s smartest fish ’n’ chippie.

Prawn: If you’re lucky, you’ll get battered in beef dripping to make you crunchy, then served with fluffy chips and mushy peas.

Squid: Or you might transcend to the bouillabaisse.

Prawn (scoffing): Unlikely.

Monkfish: I was hoping to debut on my own with lemon and capers.

Squid: Nothing’s impossible — just remember my motto.

Monkfish: What’s that?

Squid: I ink, therefore I am.

Monkfish swims off; just days later he forms part of a delicious takeaway dinner for a happy couple in Chelsea. All are pleased with the result.

Tom’s Place, 1a Cale Street, SW3 3QT (020 7351 1806 or tomsplace.org.uk).