Online - April 25, 2008

Hell Bent and Heaven Bound

Reserve a Spot in Heaven/Reserve a Spot in Hell

You blew your shot with Saint Peter when you blew Peter Saint.

No worries. You can save your soul online at reserveaspotinheaven.com. For less than the cost of a couple of cocktails, you’ll get a certificate of reservation, registered in the Book of Light; a first-class ticket to paradise (why climb stairs when you can fly?); an official ID card; and the heaven 101 mini informational guide (find out what’s really behind those pearly gates).

A few bucks more and you’ll have VIP access to the Big Guy and a pass that gets you into the Land of Milk and Honey as well as Thug Mansion, where the cool angels hang.

Got enemies? Ensure they burn for all eternity: Sign them up for one-way tickets to fiery damnation at reserveaspotinhell.com.

Sound like blasphemy?

Heaven help us.

Available online at reserveaspotinheaven.com and reserveaspotinhell.com.