1. Slide battery compartment right then depress button and release halfway center.

2. Insert battery as seen in hard-to-find and slightly smudged image No. 1.25x34 and repeat.

3. Abandon confusing manuals and call Gadget Helpline for instructions that make sense. For a joining fee of £17.94 for six months, you get access to a UK-based technical support team (no hold music or New Delhi call centres) to help you figure out how to use your latest purchase — be it an iPod, mobile phone, PlayStation, TV, DVD player, digital camera, or laptop — or solve an issue with your Sky box. Simply register online then call with your reference number.

4. Replace receiver and keep number on hand for the next time you experience gadget rage.

Gadget Helpline (08444 994600 or gadgethelpline.com).