Dear ___ [name of boss],
Thank you for organising such a lovely Christmas party at ___ [name of local].
I especially enjoyed the secret Santa. In fact, I have been using my ___ [name of useless £5 object] to ___ [active verb] my___ [body part].
On another note, I want to clarify what we discussed toward the end of the evening. When I told you that you were ___ [offensive adjective], what I really meant to say was that you were ___ [similiar sounding nonoffensive adjective]. And when I called you a ___ [name of wild animal], I should have mentioned that growing up I had a pet ___ [same wild animal] called ___ [cutesy adjective ending in -y].
Finally, it might have sounded like I was resigning when I told you to go ___ [verb] yourself, but I was singing along to ___ [gangsta rap song] playing in the background.
See you next year?
___ [your name]
Photo: Courtesy of BBC / Adult Swim