You were promised luminous skin, thick hair and voluptuous boobs. Instead you got breakouts, stretch marks and wobbly thighs. Here are some of our favorite new discoveries to make those nine months (and beyond) more bearable.

WEAR
Pull on a pair of leg-lengthening pants from new maternity label Slacks & Co. The flattering cuts, in stretch cotton or wool, have discreet and comfy bamboo jersey waistbands. We love the skinny-leg jeans with zippered ankles and the breezy knee-length shorts.

CARRY
Think your Gucci Snaffle bag will hold all of baby’s clobber? Think again. Invest in one of Mamami’s glossy patent bags and you’ll have plenty of space for your mini nomad’s extensive travelling kit.

RELAX
Treat your overextended tummy to an indulgent session at The Treatment Rooms at Cupcake. The Bump TLC treatment will get your skin in tip-top condition.

And that’s a promise.

WATCH
The Hare and the Tortoise
What: Hand-carved marionettes re-enact the classic Aesop tale aboard Little Venice’s famed floating theatre.
Why: Wood you believe it?
When: Sat. & Sun., 3 p.m.
Where: The Puppet Theatre Barge, Little Venice, opp. 35 Blomfield Rd., W9 2PF (020 7249 6876).

SEE
Sea Life London Aquarium
What: Check out amazing sea creatures (stingrays, piranha, tropical fish) in the revamped space, which now has a rain forest area with waterfalls and crocodiles.
Why: You love The Life Aquatic.
When: Mon.-Thurs., 10 a.m.-6 p.m.; Fri.-Sun., 10 a.m.-7 p.m.
Where: County Hall, Westminster Bridge Rd., SE1 7PB (087 1663 1678 ).

TREAT
My First Haircut at Geo F. Trumper
What: Book your little man an appointment at the swanky St. James’s shop and receive a special commemorative certificate.
Why: Hair today, gone tomorrow.
When: Mon.-Fri., 9 a.m.-5.30 p.m.; Sat., 9 a.m.-5 p.m.
Where: 1 Duke of York St., SW1Y 6JP (020 7734 1370).

Photo: Courtesy of Slacks & Co.