You are what you eat. You are what you live with. Are you what you drive? What do those wheels say about you?
Personality Type: Euro Hipster
The updated classic is strictly for the under-5’9” set — unless you’re going for that overgrown Shaq-on-a-trike look. Screams “I lived in Europe for a bit,” so it’s best if you have.
Personality Type: Unabashed Retrophile
So cool it’s almost uncool: can betray an owner’s self-consciously cool coolness. If you’re lucky, it says, “I’m like James Dean.” If you’re not, it says, “I’m like Jon Favreau.”
Personality Type: Your Nana/Your Pimp
Known alternately as the ultimate granny-mobile and the mac-daddy Caddy, these wheels truly straddle a great divide. Still, with night vision, OnStar, and other such luxuries, you can see why the appeal is broad.
Personality Type: Single, Very White Female
A real graduation-gift-from-Daddy car, the Cabrio repels testosterone like a fuchsia fanny pack. Also spied on many a movie lot, it’s very “actress who auditions.”
Personality Type: Manly Man
What Jon Bon Jovi is going for on Ally McBeal and John Corbett perfected on Sex and the City: the tough guy with a gooey center. To that end, the truck bed of the F-150 is useful for both hauling drywall and late-night stargazing.
Personality Type: He Who Tries Too Hard
For the lower end of the label-conscious crowd. Smacks of “I’m not the Big Guy; I work for him.”
Personality Type: “I’m Rich and You’re Not!”
Another classic that’s been appropriated by some of hip-hop’s finest (P. Diddy, for one), the Bentley announces just how flush you are. Subtlety not a prerequisite for ownership.
Personality Type: Celebrity with Inability to Multitask
The installed Motorola V60 automatically mutes the stereo when it rings, ensuring the continued safety of high-profile drivers like John Leguizamo, Julianne Moore, Kyle MacLachlan, and Ray Liotta.
Personality Type: Celebrity Tree-hugger
Those who want to make a contribution, but just aren’t used to spending so little for a car, may want to follow Leo’s lead and buy two.