How embarrassing.

You got to your car this morning and there, written in the dust on the hood, were those fearful words WASH ME. Truth is, your local finger bandit has a point: The vehicle’s looking a bit scrappy.

Make an event of it. (C’mon. You knew this was coming.) You know it’s all about themed parties (recent invites include the B-List Party and Roller Porn Party — sheesh, can’t anyone admit that she just wants to have some people over?) in this crazy town.

The latest? Screw the simple summer BBQ. Host a Car Wash Party.

Necessary supplies:
1. one sunny day.
2. a couple of swimsuits and candidates who are game to tramp around in them. Girls, squeeze into those Daisy Dukes. Guys, contemplate shirtlessness. We’re not going for subtlety here — just good, clean fun.
3. dirty cars.
4. car-friendly supplies. Kits are available from places like autonetdirect.com (we like the Ultimate Deluxe Car Wash Kit for $58.95, which includes two buckets and a minor-detail kit) and homecarwash.com. In keeping with the environmental theme, you might consider a biodegradable cleaning solution like Organica’s Wash-N-Wax for $24.30.

So fire up the grill, and get scrubbing.

A few tips:
1. Conserve water. Get a trigger nozzle with adjustable pressure (it’s also way better for water fights). And park on the lawn. You’ll get the watering done while you party.
2. Remind guests to bring towels and a change of clothes. Otherwise you’ll have a bunch of waterlogged people raiding your closet. (Not a party theme many would appreciate.)
3. Seventies tunes. Cheese it up. We suggest Rhino’s “The Disco Years” compilation, which features Rose Royce’s highly germane “Car Wash,” along with classics like A Taste of Honey’s “Boogie Oogie Oogie” and Peaches & Herb’s “Shake Your Groove Thing.”

Now you’re ready. One thing, though: no white T-shirts. We draw the line there.