First they tell you that you can’t drink the stuff that’s available free and easy everywhere. Nope. You gotta buy it.

Then they tell you that your bottle is, well, passe. You’re drinking the wrong brand. (Slow to catch on? We’re talking about water.)

The latest? You need a holder. Yes, L.A.’s most ubiquitous accessory is the new thing to dress up. Because, whether you’re a high-rolling TyNant drinker or an old-school Evian guzzler, there’s no need to flaunt your label. (Aren’t you doing enough of that already?) Instead, hide it in a whimsical crocheted carrier from Mr. Funky. It has a strap so you can swing your H20 over your shoulder, and acts as a buffer against that clammy condensation on the outside of the bottle. Best of all, if you get stuck having to settle for — gasp! — the occasional Crystal Geyser, no one will notice. Who knows? You may find that when you can’t see the label, it all tastes the same anyway.

It is, after all, just water.

Available at Tokyo-a-Go-Go, 441 Gin Ling Way, between Broadway and Hill Streets, China Town (213-625-1263).