Those who climb the corporate ladder the old-fashioned way know that life as an assistant, quite frankly, sucks. Chained to a desk, uttering inanities like “Can he return?,” making bank deposits larger than your annual salary, memorizing just how many packets of Equal your boss takes in a venti latte versus a tall. All the while wondering, why am I the only one that knows the fax number in this Godforsaken place?

The best survive. Others are roadkill. Some, like the charming former CAA assistant Scott Schwenk, take an alternate route to success.

He transformed a moonlighting interest in massage therapy into a full-time gig. Good for him, and better for us, because Scott gives some of the best deep-tissue and reflexology massages out there. His client list — studio execs and every magazine editor you can name — proves it. The best part? He comes to you.

All you need to do is lie down and enjoy having every part of you, including your ego, massaged.

Yes, he’ll bring scented oils. Just don’t ask him to bring your lunch.

Scott Schwenk, (310-922-4890).