You get your nails done and your hair straightened. She gets her nails trimmed. You go to the spa. She gets a flea bath. You see a shrink.

So why can’t your cat?

Look, that neurotic self-indulgent diva learned her loveable eccentricities (torn furniture, separation anxiety, weight fixations) from someone. When your cat shows signs of psychological warfare, fight fur with fire. Animal trainer to the stars Zack Grey knows how to bring order to kitty chaos. (Socks! Mr. Blahnik did not design stilettos to hone your claws!) Afraid of doing hard time for declawing? (West Hollywood recently outlawed the practice). This animal yogi offers humane solutions to keep kitty purring.

One nifty trick: Get Puss thinking outside the litter box. Grey will teach her to use the toilet. Yes, really. No more scooping, and no more stink. The downside? Waiting in line for the bathroom.

But that’s your issue, not hers.

Zack Grey, Cat and Dog Obedience and Behavior (323-464-8214).