Ah, the perks of professional athletehood.

Adoring fans, lucrative sneaker deals, unchecked temper tantrums, and that symbol of athletic prowess seen in stadiums everywhere, the bobblehead. Your bouncy face, spring-mounted for all the world to see.

The first three are probably not in the cards. But Whoopass Enterprises is bringing the sporty action figures to the masses at mass-appeal prices.

You just send them two jpegs (a head and a full-body shot), fill out the form, and Whoopass’s sculptors and painters (now there’s a job to apply for) custom-craft your likeness into a bobblehead. A brown-haired, blue-eyed, not-so-tall shortstop for the Smallville Screamin’ Eagles? You got it. It’s all about you, sport.

Just don’t ask about next season’s contract.

Available online at whoopassenterprises.com or by calling 866-696-7515.