Los Angeles - June 28, 2005

Scratch That

Scratch DJ Academy

You: This DJ is the worst.

Posse: Word.

You: This mix sounds like he’s got sneakers in the dryer. We’re supposed to dance to this?

Suddenly, the music stops.

DJ: Excuse me, miss. I moonlight as a lip-reader for the feds, and that comment about the shoes really hurt. If you’re so smart, why don’t you come up here and show the club what you’re working with?

Your life flashes before your eyes. Not the whole thing, of course — just snippets from your classes at Scratch Academy, where you learned your way around the ones and twos from real-deal DJs like Mr. Choc and DJ Hapa.

In DJ 101, you were taught basic music theory, mixing, blending, scratching, and beat matching. You mastered the hand-to-record and hand-to-fader techniques. You made your own mix tape, gleaned how to combine different genres, and picked up a few tricks in DJ 151. You haven’t signed up for summer school or DJ 202, but after tonight, you just might.

You step up to the decks, drop the needle on the record, and promptly get the party started with your mad musical skills. Once the dance floor is officially jammed, you graciously turn over the tables to the DJ from whence they came.

DJ: How’d it go?

You: Read my lips, sucka. You got served.

Scratch DJ Academy, 2324 Cotner Avenue, between Pico and Olympic Boulevard (310-312-6599 or scratch.com).

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