Auctioneer: Buyers, sellers, and antiques fanatics alike! Welcome to Former Furniture, the finest online marketplace for the ecofriendly fixtures and furnishings of your dreams! We’ve got vintage, designer, custom, you name it!

[Backstage]

Mirror: I can’t go on! [Whispers] I’ve … been previously owned.

Armoire: So what? We’ve all been around the block (or showroom).

Mirror: But I’m not like you, Secretary Bookcase, with your late 19th-century design, original hardware, and scalloped fret cornice. And I can’t measure up to Art Deco Dresser’s birch veneer and light wood-stained finish.

Chandelier: With those gorgeous curves, floral details, and sweet beveled edge, you’re surely the hottest piece around.

Vanity: Reflect on this — interior designer Lindsey Dann and her team can arrange an in-home photo session to snap you at your best. Plus, extra-motivated buyers will offer counter bids when they realize they can’t stand to be without you.

Mirror: I’m sold!

Available online at formerfurniture.com.