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entertainment

Words to Live By

end of year lexicon!

Because your last word-a-day calendar had 353 pages left.

January
resolutionary
n. A person who enthusiastically embraces an astounding number of New Year’s resolutions.
(She’s run off to join the resolutionaries at the gym. Try her again in a few weeks.)

February
significant otherwise
n. A person with whom you date and/or sleep because he/she is better than a certain alternative.

March
D.U.C. (Driving Under Caffeinated) 
n. The dangerous state of getting behind the wheel without having had coffee. (Occifer, I swear I’m on my way to get a double latte.

April
social netlurking

v. to join a social network for the sole purpose of stalking a member.

May
outboresy
adj. Of, characteristic of, or overly fond occurrences and activities involving nature that others could care less about. (Wayne loved driving across Texas. He’s real outboresy.) 

June
parallelisis
n. The unfortunate condition afflicting drivers incapable of parallel parking; acute during a light rain.

July
bleachcomber
n. A woman or man whose chemically treated hair transforms into a dry, brittle, frizzy mass upon exposure to sunlight, sand, surf, and/or seagulls.

August
crumplemintz
n. The posture one assumes after admitting that nothing iced down in a trash can and/or served in a Solo cup ever tastes “just like candy.”

September
fizz ed
n. The rigorous laps made around the neighborhood bar track done upon returning from summer vacation.

October
tramplify
v. Deciding to go as oneself for Halloween, only sluttier. (It seemed impossible for Margot to tramplify that tunic, but all she needed was a pair of scissors.)

November
Turks and Chaos
n. The fictional island where you find yourself stranded with your family every Thanksgiving.

December
holidate
n. The poor fool you trick into coming home with you to ease your parents’ scrutiny.