Because your last word-a-day calendar had 353 pages left.Januaryresolutionaryn. A person who enthusiastically embraces an astounding number of New Year’s resolutions. (She’s run off to join the resolutionaries at the gym. Try her again in a few weeks.)Februarysignificant otherwisen. A person with whom you date and/or sleep because he/she is better than a certain alternative.MarchD.U.C. (Driving Under Caffeinated) n. The dangerous state of getting behind the wheel without having had coffee. (Occifer, I swear I’m on my way to get a double latte.) Aprilsocial netlurkingv. to join a social network for the sole purpose of stalking a member.May outboresyadj. Of, characteristic of, or overly fond occurrences and activities involving nature that others could care less about. (Wayne loved driving across Texas. He’s real outboresy.) Juneparallelisisn. The unfortunate condition afflicting drivers incapable of parallel parking; acute during a light rain.July bleachcombern. A woman or man whose chemically treated hair transforms into a dry, brittle, frizzy mass upon exposure to sunlight, sand, surf, and/or seagulls.Augustcrumplemintzn. The posture one assumes after admitting that nothing iced down in a trash can and/or served in a Solo cup ever tastes “just like candy.”Septemberfizz edn. The rigorous laps made around the neighborhood bar track done upon returning from summer vacation.October tramplifyv. Deciding to go as oneself for Halloween, only sluttier. (It seemed impossible for Margot to tramplify that tunic, but all she needed was a pair of scissors.)NovemberTurks and Chaosn. The fictional island where you find yourself stranded with your family every Thanksgiving.Decemberholidaten. The poor fool you trick into coming home with you to ease your parents’ scrutiny.