Your pie in the sky is to fit into your high school jeans again (oh, those formative glory days).
Unfortunately, your love of pie makes that dream damn near impossible. Unless you get your hands on an individual pie slice pan.
The nifty bakeware allows you to make just a single piece of cobbler, potpie, what have you, or what not. They come in sets of two, so invest in three to make a whole pie when you have guests and avoid the mess of cutting, while also keeping portions under control (each one holds only two-thirds of a cup).
Available online at kingarthurflour.com.