Online - February 14, 2006

What in Carnation?

Lexicon XVII

You two might be a long way from carving your names in the old oak tree, but there’s nothing like Valentine’s Day to remind you whom you heart (or don’t).

amoraphobia
n. an irrational fear of Valentine’s Day.

blue bawls
n. an emotional, romantic version of flirting that leaves you feeling sad and crying.

bud light
n. the blatantly cheap flower selection from a guy who needs to be dumped ASAP. (How was your V-Day? Bud light.)

carniwhore
n. a girl who puts out for carnations.

do-or-diamond
adj. as in, if I don’t see a ring today, he’s dead to me.

long-stem posers
n. people who send themselves flowers from a “secret admirer.”

lote
v. to walk the thin line between love and hate. (I lote Johnny. One day he’s a dollface; the next he’s a total wanker.)

ménage à flaws
n. when you crash your friend’s Valentine’s Day date only to talk about all your relationships gone wrong.

PDR
n. public display of rejection: when your valentine takes you somewhere lovely only to break your heart in front of strangers.

Valentiny Tim
n. a man whose masculinity is put in question by his overenthusiasm for V-Day. (I mean, I don’t expect him to be a Valentiny Tim, but he could at least try to hide his total amoraphobia.)

Here’s to getting through America’s sugariest holiday. More fun with language? Lexicons X, XI, and XV should tide you over.