Patient: Whiney Cooper
Doctor: Feelgood

Notes: Patient suffers from severe headaches, allergies, sensitive skin, chemical dependency (as in Formula 409 and preservatives), a fear of poisoning the cat, and guilt for contributing to the ultimate demise of Earth.

Diagnosis: All kinds of messed up.

Prescription: A trip to new and totally quaint Plant Medicine Company in South Miami to stock up on chemical-free cleaning and pet products, as well as fair-trade, all-organic culinary herbs and coffee; grape seed oil made from chardonnay; and extra-virgin coconut oil. (Should also help patient’s baking skills, which are severely impaired.)

Also recommended: organic shampoo, salt scrub, massage oil (patient could use some action), essential oils like lavender and carrot seed, and herbal tea specially blended to treat everything from migraines to weight gain (patient also suffers from minor case of muffin top).

Prognosis: Changes should do patient a world of good. Not to mention some good for the world.

Plant Medicine Company, 5851 Sunset Drive, suite d, South Miami (305-663-8187 or plantmedicineco.com).