Online - July 18, 2007

Fake It till You Make It

Zzz Animals

Are you lonely? Is there a dearth of cuddling in your life? Do your friends’ pets run and hide when you walk through the door?

If so, you may be suffering from LOPD (Lack of Pet Disorder). It’s nothing to be embarrassed about: Research shows that millions of hardworking Americans who don’t have time for furry companions suffer from it every day.

Luckily, LOPD is treatable without a prescription. Five out of five doctors choose Zzz Animals.

The lifelike critters are handcrafted with baby-soft synthetic fur (nuzzling recommended) and come with a collar, bed, carrier, and adoption certificate. Get your daily dose of golden retriever, chocolate lab, shih tzu, pug, or tabby cat, and watch as their tummies rise and fall with every sleeping breath.

Side effects may include an inability to drag yourself out of the house, a lack of interest in sex, and talking to inanimate objects as though they are real.

A small price to pay for relief.

Available online at firststreetonline.com.