“Take off everything but your underwear and lie face down,” commanded Antonio. Blushing slightly, Chloe obliged as he reached for a bottle of warm oil.

“Wait,” cried Chloe, “is that silicone based?”

Ecofriendliness can be a real mood killer (no, you cannot feed me those imported chocolates — food miles, hello?). Newly opened Uhma Spa & Shop, however, has managed to strike a perfect balance between healthy environment and pure ecstasy.

Everything in the space takes the planet into consideration, from the low-flow faucets, to the shop’s organic bath and body products, to the treatments. Signature massages include the Sabai Herbal Ball massage, which incorporates a warm herbal ball that compresses to the body’s energy points; and the Tian Di Bamboo, which uses warm bamboo sticks to apply deep pressure and heat.

We know, sounds a little S&M.

But trust us, this one’s sure to have a happy ending.

Uhma Spa & Shop, 726 6th Street, Miami Beach (305-695-0996 or uhmaspa.com).