The Denim Diet

9 a.m. Lunge into jeans from across the room. Suck in stomach. Zip with effort.

1 p.m. Notice slack in waistband. Consider pizza lunch genius.

11 p.m. Pull jeans off without unzipping. Decide you are skinny and awesome.

Wash and repeat.

Get off the diet roller coaster with For Joseph jeans. The new collection is made of revolutionary (well, for jeans) bidirectional denim. Meaning they don’t stretch throughout the day — so you won’t be revealing ass cleavage at happy hour.

Choose from the Brigitta (low waisted), the Carla (high waisted), the cropped, or the skinnies (both self-explanatory). All come in an array of washes, from light to dark to faded.

Even crazier? The stretch fabric feels as soft as worn-in jammies — so you can comfortably bum around in them from morning to night.

With no loose ends.

Available at A Nose for Clothes, 11223 South Dixie Highway, Pinecrest (305-253-8632); 2830 Northeast 187th Street, Aventura (305-935-1022 or anoseforclothes.com); online at forjoseph.com.