"The Love Song of Jonny Valentine" Launches

We're singing its praises

the love song of jonny valentine!

If Justin Bieber and Jonathan Safran Foer had a baby, they would call it Jonny Valentine. Or, more specifically, The Love Song of Jonny Valentine, new on shelves this week.

The story of the kiddie crooner with iconic hair — who’s as charming and precocious as Safran Foer’s beloved protagonist in Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close — would go something like this:

[To the tune of JB’s hit, “Baby”]

My name is Jonny; I’m just a lad
I’m making money, but miss my dad
I’m playin’ Zenon; it’s pretty grand
My mom fired my coach and my opening band

We’re on a tour bus, from town to town
I’m checkin’ email, when it’s around
I’m getting boners and thinkin’ ’bout girls
I am just 11; that’s my whole world

And now I’m like
Read it, read it, read it oooh
You’ll love it, love it, love it oooh
It’s candy, candy, candy oooh
I think you’ll thank me sometime (time).

Available at amazon.com, $14.

Photo: Courtesy of Free Press