No carbs! All protein! No sugar! Field mice!

So when we got the skinny on the new diet everyone is talking about we were psyched. Joy Bauer’s new 90/10 Weight Loss plan fits us fine. No scraping the bun off your hamburger. No egg-white wonders. Sure there are phrases, like “whole wheat” and “hummus: 1 tablespoon,” but a few of these blew us off our Stairmasters: McDonalds? Really? Chee-tos?

That’s right, you can eat dessert, just don’t eat the whole cake. Sound like rocket science? Try the good old portion control. Eat food: Just not too much of it! Ninety percent is low-cal; ten percent is the junk you’re eating right now. And you can exercise without the spandex: walking counts.

The no-fat-box-of-Snackwells-in-a-sitting diet is also discouraged. “Consuming fat-free meal after fat-free meal has been shown to eradicate all traces of humor from the personality.”

After all, what’s it all worth if you can’t make fun of yourself?