You love your dog because he’s loyal.
Ne’er a peep if you’re in a foul mood. Unconditional love. A patient ear.
But sweeties, oh sweeties, have you met Sweetie, the “hairiest (and heftiest) bitch ever to occupy fashion’s front row?”

Yes, Sweetie: From the Gutter to the Runway has hit stores and we’re in love. The book, illustrated by Ruben Toledo (responsible for the images on this here Website), is filled with hysterical, make-your-stomach hurt-from-laughing-so hard bits of wisdom such as:

Plugged-In Pooch’s Pointer #261: “Wear a G-string at all times. It’s the perfect excuse for not carrying cash.”
Intriguing Questions: “Should your bag always match your back fat?”
Beauty Tricks: “Place slices of salami on nipples to avoid topless bathing sunburn accidents.”
Exercise Advice: “Never lift anything heavier than an 8-ounce cocktail glass.”
Handy Handbag Hints: “Really hefty girls should flatter their frames by carrying a suitcase or a trunk.”

And men, there’s comfort for you, too. In Chapter Nine, “Romance: I Never Met a Man I Didn’t Lick,” quoth the candid canine, “My type of man is hairy with really bad breath.”

Yes, there’s hope yet…