It's 10 p.m. . . .

Wondering what makes your loved one tick? Find out the sneaky way with a GPS Personal Locator watch. Okay, it’s downright unattractive, but that’s beside the point.

Built-in pager. GPS technology that tracks the wearer’s exact location 24/7. Thirty-day history, mapped by satellite, of the wearer’s itinerary. Patented safety lock that “prevents unwanted removal” of the device. (You have the key.)

No, it’s not Total Recall. It’s the Global Satellite Network put to good use. This sci-fi watch was designed to aid the parents of peripatetic kids, but why stop there? This useful little device can answer life’s most pressing questions: Is he really on a business trip? And where did she get that new lingerie?

It’s unlikely that any style-conscious adult would allow this monstrosity to be clamped onto his or her wrist. But we’re waiting with bated breath for chic watch manufacturers to catch up.

Hermes — are you listening?

Available online at wherify.com.