It’s 3 a.m. You’re ripped from dreamland by a nightmare. You can’t remember your own name, but you know what you need. You reach across the bed to find some comfort, but, but, but … oh no! Where’s your Khaki Sausage?

No, we’re not insulting anyone’s private parts, smutbrain. We’re talking about Shawnimals, a collection of not-your-average stuffed animals designed by bored art student Shawn Patrick Smith. The eponymous creations are “one-of-a-kind handmade stuffed creatures with an edge.” (Sorry. He sold his sausage.)

Crafted from different fabrics and sewn into abstract shapes, we love them for their crude facial expressions (“what are you looking at?”) and their names (can Evil Lump share a couch with Overzealous Niblet?). Heck, these things have more personality than most of your friends.

Stuffed animal too much of a pet commitment? Go to the Website for a no-maintenance visit with the beasts. The copy itself is a scream. (Head straight for the FAQ’s — the frequently asked questions.) It’s better than a trip to the zoo.

Available online at shawnimals.com.