Online - April 13, 2005

Target Practice

The New It Sport

Where would the American vernacular be without sports analogies?

There’s the ever-popular “He shoots; he scores!” … the facetious-as-you-wanna-be “Touche!” … and, of course, the good old-fashioned “Time out.”

But nothing — nothing, we tell you — says “I embrace a down-home, all-American, unabashedly cliche-ridden value system” like a hearty “Bull’s-eye!”

Which might explain in part why darts is so relevant to our times. In spite of the fact that the game has recently gained official sport status in England, the rules are, truly, like a map of the American mindset.

To win, hit closest to the middle. The farther out from the center you stray, the less chance you have to prevail. Miss the board completely and run the risk of starting a fight. The only things you need to play? Beer, a handful of tiny missiles, and a competitive streak.

Good thing we liberated the game — much like we did our great nation — from the clutches of the Brits.

So rustle up a round the next time you’re at the local watering hole — or set up a board at home. You can be confident that you’d make our founding fathers beam with pride.

Or at least let out a celebratory “Swish!”