Ever experienced any of the following symptoms? Fatigue, sluggishness, misanthropy, anxiety, broken-hearted despair, spring fever.

You’re suffering from the same thing as everyone else: life.

Fret not. We’ve found the cure: reiki master (and miracle worker) Stephanie Artz, who administers what can be described only as the healing power of human touch.

Yeah, yeah, we hear you rolling your eyes. But we’re totally hooked.

How does it work? According to reiki theory, practitioners channel the universe’s energy to another person simply by placing their hands on different parts of the other’s body. (Sometimes you feel warmth, sometimes cold, sometimes it’s almost like little pulses.)

Reiki gets rid of the bad juju caused by physical, emotional, or environmental suffering (see: just-being-you-related stress). Think of it as cleaning your inner house. Just lie back and be energized. Artz will even come to you if you can’t come to her.

Known side effects include bliss, relief, general well-being, enthusiasm, and joy.

Available without a prescription.

Stephanie Artz (212-477-5166).