Wouldn’t it be dreamy if you could score fancy shampoo, extra-large condoms, penis straws, and a haircut that would make an American Apparel model swoon — all in one place?

It’s not a fantasy (though the props involved could make it one). It’s Shears Hustle & Blow, the first mini hair salon from Ricky’s NYC.

Starting today, scenesters, suits, sea urchins, and hoboes can walk in and get bang-for-your-buck trims, cuts, highlights, updos, braids, and “crazy colors.” Located at the back of the flagship Soho store (through a separate entrance on Crosby Street), Shears is outfitted with rock and roll montages, iPod docking stations, weekend DJs, and a chandelier of gold hair dryers.

Feeling spontaneous? Go for a buzz cut. Not so much? Stylists are on hand for consultations. Save yourself from carpal tunnel: The shampoo-head massage-conditioner-blowout combo is only $30.

Imagine that.

Shears Hustle & Blow, 124 Crosby Street, between Houston & Prince Streets (212-219-9626 or shearshustleandblow.com).