Food Fight

Feuding food and wine braggarts have a dazzling new stadium: Astor Center.

The kitchen/classroom space just debuted courses that will inspire and fortify know-it-all one-upping for years to come.

The report from the front:

Swillina, fresh from Sommelier’s Secrets: “Nothing impacts the taste of wine as much as salt. Last night I tasted a Chianti alone, then again after doing a tequila-like salt lick. Radically different taste profile. That’s why chefs use so much salt. To balance the acidity in the wine.”

Octavius, fresh from Shakespeare’s Kitchen: “So? Before Columbus brought tomatoes from the new world, pastas were served with fruit sauces. Last night I ate Renaissance dried plum pasta. The fruit was thickened with wine, sugar, cinnamon, olive oil, ginger, and lemon.”

Brawno, fresh from Ph.Meat: “Yawn. The best-tasting muscle in a side of beef is the spinalis dorsi. Take that to your butcher.”

Eaters, start your dinner knives.

Astor Center, 399 Lafayette Street, at East 4th Street (212-674-7501 and astorcenternyc.com).