Prepare your acceptance speech. SEE John Chiara What: The San Fran photog built a portable, room-size camera obscura that he climbs into to take drunk and dreamy, fogged-up pictures of Bay Area landscapes. Why: That’s why they call him a big shot. When: Thru Mar. 1. Tues.-Sat., 10 a.m.-6 p.m. Where: Von Lintel Gallery, 555 W. 25th St., b/t Tenth & Eleventh Aves. (212-242-0599). Oscar Nominated Shorts What: Live action and animated contenders for the golden statue. Why: Say thanks to the Academy (and hot butter pumping stations). When: Daily. Animated, 12:50, 5:15 & 9:55 p.m.; live action, 2:30 & 7:10 p.m. Where: IFC Center, 323 Sixth Ave., at W. 3rd St. (212-924-7771). PARTY Alt. Oscar Awards What: NYC’s answer to the red carpetbagging. Dress as your fave movie character (or in creative black tie), beware of picketing media moguls, watch the Oscars on big screens (if you must), and hob-nob your way to the bar and dance floor. Why: Proceeds benefit the Action Arts League. When: Sun., 6 p.m.-midnight. Where: Kiss & Fly, 409 W. 13th St., b/t Ninth Ave. & Washington Sts. Tickets online at kostumekult.com. DANCE Anna, Ikea and I What: Choreographer Juliette Mapp’s humorous dance performance about her artistic development. Why: She calls it “a little dance about a lot of things,” including authentic movement, motherhood, The Spanish Civil War, and Iraq civilian casualties. When: Thurs.-Sat., 8:30 p.m. Where: Danspace Project at St. Mark’s Church, 131 E. 10th St., at Second Ave. (212-674-8112). Reservations at 212-674-8194. EAT Ed Brown’s Eighty One What: Holy organic, Batman! The new spot (across from the Museum of Natural History) has a farm fresh menu that would make Old MacDonald weep with joy. Why: This is the west side story. When: Sun.-Thurs., 5-10:30 p.m.; Fri. & Sat., 5-11:30 p.m. Where: 45 W. 81st St., b/t Columbus Ave. & CPW (212-873-8181).