Someone’s knocking at your door.

It’s not the Big Bad Wolf, Grim Reaper, or former cast of Three’s Company.

Why, it’s Opportunity! In a seven-feet-tall bear suit.

Summoned via text message, Death Bear will visit your Brooklyn apartment to remove painful reminders of your past (direct him toward empty cigarette packs, pictures of the ex, dropped-crotch pants) and give you the chance to start fresh in 2010.

Aside from practicing the dark art of absorbing negative memories, the man inside the suit also leads Chinatown garbage taxidermy tours, offers free bouncy rides on subway platforms while wearing a fish costume, and has a candy crack delivery service on weekends ($1 per bag).

But the resolution service is free this Saturday and Sunday.

So grin and bear it.

To make an appointment, text 347-742-2293. For more information, go to clubanimalsnyc.blogspot.com. To find out more about the man inside the bear, go to natehillisnuts.com.

Photo: Kevin Walsh