November 12, 2004

Lexicon IX

Playing with Words

A special edition dedicated to carat danglers, doggerels, and all the special people in our lives.

beighborhood
n. Area populated by good-looking people. (“Let’s go downtown. Fifth Street has turned into a total beighborhood.”)

DIZO
n. Acronym. Describes (busy, working, all-too-typical) couple: Dual Income, Zero Orgasm.

Earnest Hemorrhage
n. A man who is oppressively forthcoming with every thought and feeling. Antonym: Ernest Hemingway, linguistically stingy author.

foxymoron
n. One who is incredibly dumb but incredibly cute, who simultaneously attracts and repels. (“I’m so ashamed. I hooked up with that foxymoron last night.”)

GHaG
n. Acronym. Girl-Hating Girl. The one whose only friends are guys.

hobeau
n. A less-than-hygienic boyfriend. (“Better open the window. Here come Gloria and her hobeau.”)

nontourage
n. A group of undesirable sycophants. (“The party was fun until Justin showed up with his nontourage.”)

pharmasecrecy
n. The secret bond one has with her pharmacist. (“Only Mr. Myers knows the truth about my little Klonopin/Paxil/laxative habit.”)

showflake
n. Person who chronically misses every appointment (e.g., haircuts, doctor visits, dinners). (“Is Louisa going to show, or is she pulling a showflake again?”)

SoDeeWah
n. Socialite/designer/whatever. The model/actress/ whatever of the ’00s. You know the type.

staremaster
n. Gym dandies who constantly check themselves out in the mirror. (“If that staremaster touches his pecs one more time …”)