Sure, it’s easy to dump on capitalism for spoiling the environment and turning a nation of once-rugged individualists into a drooling pack of consumerist sheep.

But that would be seeing the glass as half empty.

Consider the good news: Only in a capitalist society could such a marvelously pointless way to spend money as McPhee.com exist. Only in the land of the free market and the home of the brave entrepreneur could you peruse an entire section devoted exclusively to meat-themed items such as bacon-strip band-aids, T-bone air fresheners, and steak-adorned shower curtains.

And how about that freedom of religion? In America, the almighty dollar is god, so no one will ever infringe upon your right to buy a Buddha pencil topper, Hindu finger puppet, a pack of Torah personalities collector’s cards, or a Lord’s Prayer singing alarm clock. McPhee.com will not only feed your lust for useless items (albino bowler action figure), it will actually deepen it by showing you things you never even imagined could exist (ceramic smoking baby, wind-up hopping lederhosen).

So the next time you find yourself reaching for your tub of mini ninjas or ladies’ barfly wig, be glad for McPhee.com.

And God bless America.

Available online at mcphee.com.