Some things (that affordable Dior find, that Seven Minutes in Heaven incident, or that night spent in a Mexican penitentiary) might be safer kept under wraps.

But the punch lines are just too good to keep to yourself. Which is why you can’t stay quiet about Manayunk’s newest boutique, The Closet, which offers Gucci sunglasses, Dolce & Gabbana accessories, designer handbags, and tees at crazy-low prices.

The bargain basement markdowns are the result of co-owner Jamie Wybar’s sweet hookup: After buying European labels en masse for retailers around the country, he decided to share the wealth with his fellow Philadelphians. (Talk about brotherly love.) His new space, stocked with all your glossy mag staples, is low-key and nonstuffy.

Which means you’re likely to spend way more than two minutes in The Closet.

And even more likely to brag about what you did in there afterward.

The Closet, 4400 Main Street, first floor, Manayunk (215-483-4002).