Bedtime Stories

At 3 a.m. you repaint your living room.

At 4 a.m. you give the cat a bath. (Who knew insomnia would make you so productive?)

But at 8 a.m. you ask for cream rinse instead of creamer, and by 8:15 you forget how to operate your car.

At 2 p.m., after a co-worker asks if you’re feeling okay, you storm into the bathroom, lock the stall, and yell: “Just. stop. badgering me!” Someone whispers from the next stall: “Maybe badgering is what you need.”

At 2:01 p.m. a little tin of Badger Sleep Balm is slipped under the stall door.

At 9 p.m. you apply it to your lips, neck, and temples. Hell, you slather it all over your body. A variety of herbs like rosemary, bergamot, and ginger calms you down.

At 11 p.m. you close … your … eyes …

At 11: 03 p.m. you … zzzzzzzzzz.

Available at Whole Foods, 2001 Pennsylvania Avenue (215-557-0015); online at badgerbalm.com.