You’ve been to you. But you’ve never been to paradise. (Poor thing.) Well, perhaps the solution starts with better grooming (as so many do). The Bikini Facial at The Body Klinic is an intense treatment for your private bits. Recommended one week after waxing, the treatment is tops for unsightly ingrowns and blemishes you-know-where. Though there are no cucumbers involved — or carrots for that matter (you people are sick) — the process does include cleansers, scrubs, and even extractions. Wild! Misty vapors open pores, then your nether region is gently exfoliated and offending ingrowns are plucked away. A soothing camphor mask lends its antibacterial properties and wards off future blemishes, making you beach ready in no time. With all the royal treatment down there, you’ll be wondering why they didn’t think of it sooner. And why you stayed with your ex for so long. The Body Klinic, 2012 Walnut Street (215-563-8888); 4360 Main Street, Manayunk (215-482-2596).