Wishful Drinking

Hot New Party Drinks

At a loss as to what to serve at that crazy April Fools’ fete you’re throwing? This is what we’re drinking.

The Captain’s Bounty
½ oz. coconut rum
1 bottle lemon-lime Gatorade
2 oz. seltzer
2 dashes Old Bay

Serving suggestion: Garnish with ravioli and enjoy.

The Coz
2 parts scotch
1 part pudding pop

Serving suggestion: Drink while wearing a Coogi sweater and chuckling like Bill Cosby.

Mom at T-Ball Practice
½ box wine
5 tablets aspirin
1 tablet Valium
1 sleeve Hydrox cookies

Serving suggestion: Pour ingredients into moderate-size coffee mug or Big Gulp cup. Serve on ice, preferably inside a 1995 Chevy Lumina minivan.

The Perverted Uncle
1½ oz. rubbing alcohol
1 can Milwaukee’s Best Light

Serving suggestion: Serve warm, preferably behind a dumpster.

Sound too, er, good to be true? Oh, we have even more recipes.