Two ninjas sit at a bar.

HI: Our training is really getting to me. My bod is as tight as Jerry Brown’s fiscal policy. I need some relief.

YA: Spa Vitale has the solution. It’s the only place in town offering the Warm Bamboo Renewal treatment.

H: Say what now?

Y: A trained therapist works you over with polished bamboo rods warmed with a heating pad prior to massaging the kinks out.

H: A wooden rod massage? That sounds worse than a karate chop to the face.

Y: Differing lengths and sizes are used depending on the body part, with longer rods for gliding strokes (it’s a dream on your hammies) and shorter ones to knead knots. Massage oils ensure they glide smoothly. After 80 minutes of bliss, you’re loosey-goosey.

H: Well, ain’t that a kick in the head?

Available at Spa Vitale in Hotel Vitale, 8 Mission Street, at Embarcadero (415-278-3788 or spavitale.com), $155.

Photo: Courtesy of Spa Vitale