There are times in life when you realize that a guide might have come in handy. Like twenty minutes after braving an uncharted taco truck.

Next time, wise up and let Charles Hodgkins, the patron saint of San Francisco taquerias, steer you clear of taco hell.

Building his credentials, Hodgkins sacrificed his stomach to the Mexican food gods for two and a half years then officially launched his findings on Burritoeater.com.

His site ranks 150-plus taquerias by name, neighborhood, and overall worthiness using a mind-blowingly comprehensive ten-mustache rating system. Each burrito gets an OMR (overall mustache rating) by examining its twelve key elements, including size, burstage abatement, ingredient mix, temperature, and that certain yo no se que, or, as Hodgkins puts it, intangibility. Repeat visits to a spot ensure an accurate assessment of the goods, since even the best burrito can have a bad day.

Attacking ten to fourteen rice-and-bean beasts per month (hot sauce and jalapenos required), Hodgkins gives new meaning to the term “fearless leader.”

Available online at burritoeater.com.