Chances are you’ll never be outed by Us Weekly for doing normal things (buying toilet paper, scarfing pizza) without wearing makeup.

That’s still no excuse for the no-maintenance routine. (Sorry, Blistex doesn’t count.) All it takes is a two-hour (or three, for some), one-on-one lesson with makeup pro Stacy McClure to find an au naturel look that inspires double takes for the right reasons.

The beauty whiz starts by giving your tired old stash the once-over and offering her honest opinion (in a fun and friendly way) on what products get the job done and which ones belong in the trash. Next is a step-by-step application lesson. McClure paints half your puss and lets you do the other, guiding Jell-O hands through the trickiest techniques (eyeliner, lash curling).

Newly gorgeous students are sent packing with a handy face diagram and a personalized list for their next trip to the cosmetics counter.

Somebody alert the paparazzi.

Makeup by Stacy (415-377-0855 or makeupbystacy.com).