The time when mudslinging becomes a competitive sport is upon us. (Brace yourselves for shady campaign contributions and sex scandals.) For better dirty fun, turn off CNN and try the Mud Slide treatment at Solage Calistoga’s new bathhouse, a modern version of a 19th-century spa ritual. Get loose with a saketini at the mud bar, then choose from five essential oil blends to mix into your pot of South American and California clay. An escort leads you into a heated solarium where you smear dirt all over your body, let it dry, and hose it off. Next comes a soak in a claw-foot tub filled with healing geothermal water. Finally, settle into a duvet-swaddled, high-tech sound chair hooked up to an iPod. Head-to-toe vibrations (think shaman chants and new age melodies) rock you into a floating state of zero gravity. The treatment is slightly wacky and best experienced à deux, but it’s bound to leave you relaxed. Unless you’re a stick in the … you know. Spa Solage, 755 Silverado Trail (866-942-7442 or solagecalistoga.com).