No coal in your stocking this year.

EAT, DRINK …
Feast of the Seven Fishes at A16
What: The cozy Marina haunt is serving a $75 four-course seafood menu (baccala ravioli, whole salt-baked dorade) inspired by the traditional Italo-American Christmas Eve meal.
Why: Celebrate with the big Italian family you never had.
When: Fri., 4-9 p.m.
Where: 2355 Chestnut St., b/t Divisadero & Scott Sts. (415-771-2216).

Christmas Dinner at Ame
What: Blow some cash on this decadent $95 five-course prix fixe (seared scallops with American sturgeon caviar sauce, roasted Atkins Ranch lamb chops), with wine pairings for an extra $65.
Why: Upgrade from your usual Chinese-takeout binge.
When: Sat., 4-8 p.m.
Where: 689 Mission St., at 3rd St. (415-284-4040).

… AND BE MERRY
Santaland Diaries
What: David Sedaris’s cult classic about a winter spent working as a grumpy Macy’s elf dubbed Crumpet comes to life in this one-man show at The Eureka Theatre.
Why: Maybe your job isn’t so bad after all.
When: Thru Dec. 30.
Where: 215 Jackson St., at Front St. (415-788-7469). Tickets ($20-$30) online at brownpapertickets.com.

Bad-Movie Night at The Dark Room
What: Bid adieu to Santa & Co. with a screening of Ron Howard’s laughably terrible live-action How the Grinch Stole Christmas, starring (who else?) Jim Carrey and the almost unrecognizable Taylor Momsen.
Why: See why Dr. Seuss is rolling in his grave.
When: Sun., 8 p.m.
Where: 2263 Mission St., b/t 18th & 19th Sts. (415-401-7987).

Photo: Webdevil666 / Flickr