During the holidays, everything tastes better than skinny feels. Which is why it’s completely unfair how that puffy, distended, obliviously stuffed state hurts so bad.
Here are some ways to debloat — or at least camouflage those extra pounds.
After the damage is done, incorporate Swan Juice from vegan emporium One Lucky Duck into your diet. Founder Sarma Melngailis swears the blend soothes a full tummy.
Can’t make it to the NYC outpost? Whip up your own Swan Juice with this recipe.
You might not have needed that third helping of stuffing, but now you have more reason to do crunches while wearing Body Rock Sport’s cargo-pocketed, camo-printed Giselle bra. Let its hot pink Swarovski crystals peek through a tank, then break it out alone when your flat belly returns.
When a cream claims to temporarily drain excess fluid from your body for instant bloat relief with strong effects noticeable within a few hours, you can skeptically avoid it — or cross your fingers and slather yourself silly. Look for us in the latter’s camp where we’ll be covered in the Sunday Riley Liquid Diet’s depuffing formula. Too bad this one’s also slimming our wallet.
You’re already well aware that come January 2, six weeks of chowing down will surface in the form of self-deprecation and regret. Plan accordingly and sign up for I.Am.You Studio’s Weight Off, Holidays On program ($250). It includes your very own 24/7 food and life adviser who will tell you the most healthful (least lame) dish to order during a spontaneous dinner out (just e-mail the menu en route), help you survive a boozy eve and its recovery, and shield you from other diet danger zones.
Um, don’t you think surgery is just a tad irrational? Behold Rodial Tummy Tuck Sticks. For two weeks following meals, dilute one serving of powder in water and drink up to enjoy the effects of bloat-reducing green clay, gas-eliminating fennel seeds, and pineapple and papaya enzymes that help speed the breakdown of food.
Speaking of playlists, we suggest working those abs to these fine tunes: LCD Soundsystem’s London Sessions, a live best-of-esque compilation; sweet, electro-pop Sex Dreams and Denim Jeansby Uffie; and high-energy ballads of Matt & Kim’s Sidewalks.
When it comes to after-dinner aperitifs, any overzealous eater will thank you for BYOing the full-flavored detox blend from Kusmi Tea, whose herbal concoctions warmed the insides of Russian aristocracy long ago. The brew packs a one-two punch with slimming maté and purifying theanine from its Chinese green tea parts.
In this condition, why even try to zip your fly? Instead go for of-the-moment drawstring vintage sherpa sweatpants by Splendid. When styled right, they make you look like you had a choice in the matter. Check out our full gallery of fat phat pants.
Counter the effects of a boozed-out belly with Caudalíe’s crushed cabernet scrub, a shower version of the hair of the dog that bit you. Its natural formula of grape seeds, Gironde honey, and brown sugar works to slim by draining the bad stuff from your skin (leaving it quite smooth) to make room for more good stuff. Like booze.
Double dinner party duty? Don’t let a body-con top put a wrench in your social calendar. Hide at least one and half dinners, two desserts, and three Kir Royales under a forgiving burgundy star-printed trapeze top by Paper Tiger.
Feeling too fat to leave your house is no longer a valid excuse for laziness. Pop Exhale’s Core Fusion: Bootcamp or indie sound tracked Rockin Models Workout into your DVD player and whittle your middle in the time it takes to bake a cake.
When spritzed under the tongue at the onset of food-related symptoms like nausea, gas, indigestion, or cramps, Sprayology DigestivEase promises its mix of ten powerful homeopathic ingredients (goldenseal, charcoal) acts fast. And fine, we promise to have one more helping of rocky road fudge to make certain it works. Available at sprayology.com, $22.
Diamonds? After really overdoing it, leggings are a girl’s best friend — even though the stretchy-slacks trend may very well be ready for extinction. But when lined with fat-blasting caffeine and moisturizing shea butter, looking so last year in a Lytess pair (which claim to reduce up to two inches from your hips after about three weeks of wear) is a risk we’re willing to take.
That sneaky lick of brownie batter suddenly isn’t all that appealing when you know 74 of your dedicated followers (including your crush and boss) will be privy to what it’s done to your waistline. Possibly the most surefire — but torturous — way to stay flab free over the holidays is to step on Withings’s Wi-Fi scale and have your weight fluctuations instantly tweeted. Available at withings.com, $159.