If a pint of ice cream disappears in the middle of the night, but no one remembers eating it (hello, Ambien), were calories actually consumed?

Just look behind you, tubby. The answer is as clear as your muffin top.

It’s time to stop the midnight butt plumping. No, we’re not suggesting you give up the ice. (We’re not heathens, after all.) Just offering a friendly substitute — Crème Delight.

Hush up, New Yorkers: We know you know all about your favorite native son. But it’s now available online for the rest of the world to buy.

With only 90 calories, three grams of fat and sugar, and a whopping 50 percent more protein per serving than regular ice cream, it miraculously tastes just like the real deal. It comes in all your favorite flavors: chocolate, vanilla, cookie dough, and chocolate with caramel turtles. So now you can chow down at night without the surprise morning-after guilt.

Which brings us to this: Why don’t you remember what you’re doing in the middle of the night?

Available online at cremedelight.com.