Urgent memo from the Design Secretary of the U.S. Department of the Interior.
A routine survey of the Northwest territory revealed abysmal antique and vintage purchases, tchotchkes that violate the Harmonious Design Agreement, and a case of the bland leading the bland.
To prevent a nationwide spread of egregious decorating abuses, the Department has contracted Swedish designer Lina Rickardsson, whose stylish plastic rugs (code name: Pappelina) put a modern spin on a weaving technique first practiced in 1948.
Residents have been ordered to clean up their acts with disaster-proof (read: machine washable) designs ranging from the star-studded Viggo to the diamond-sketched Max.
Dozens of color and style combos will allow us to cover their tracks.
Before another vicious pattern emerges.