A Classified Cover

Urgent memo from the Design Secretary of the U.S. Department of the Interior.

A routine survey of the Northwest territory revealed abysmal antique and vintage purchases, tchotchkes that violate the Harmonious Design Agreement, and a case of the bland leading the bland.

To prevent a nationwide spread of egregious decorating abuses, the Department has contracted Swedish designer Lina Rickardsson, whose stylish plastic rugs (code name: Pappelina) put a modern spin on a weaving technique first practiced in 1948.

Residents have been ordered to clean up their acts with disaster-proof (read: machine washable) designs ranging from the star-studded Viggo to the diamond-sketched Max.

Dozens of color and style combos will allow us to cover their tracks.

Before another vicious pattern emerges.

Available at Eurostyle Your Life, 750 North 34th Street (206-633-3876 or eurostyleyourlife.com). To see styles, go to pappelina.com.