Well our name is Candy, and we’re here to say,
We hate ruffled feathers in a major way.
So let us introduce a man who keeps the peace,
A vigilante self-dubbed Rap Master Maurice.
The process is simple; this is how it works:
Think of someone who has wronged you, an ex, waiter, jerk.
Tell Maurice your tale and how you’ve been zinged,
He’ll write a mini rap and then give the perp a ring.
When the punk picks up, he’ll lace a vengeful jam,
Like the lyrical equivalent of Jean-Claude Van Damme.
How much should you expect to pay for such useful skills?
The meager price of service is seventeen dollar bills.
Announce it’s you who sent him or opt to stay anon.
Either way, Maurice will give the fool a morsel to chew on.
Not like fast food or the fancy restaurant kind,
But the hottest dish in town: a piece of your mind.
A la mode, suckas.
To hear samples and order a vengeance rap through PayPal, go to derekerdman.com.
Photo: Courtesy of Derek Erdman